Christmas is a magical time of year when everyone else seems to be kissing under mistletoe, snuggling near open fires and making snow angels together on magical winter-wonderland-esque dates. You, on the other hand, go to holiday parties solo, simply wink at Aunt Helga when she insists that you’ll never find a soul mate at your age, and are glad you’re being saved from everyone else’s holiday relationship drama. Other people may tell you that being single at this time of year sucks- but here are seven reasons why I am genuinely happy to not have a significant other this December.
1. You don’t have to share your favourite Christmas foods. You know how you felt like you had to share that box of chocolates your coworker gave you, or some of that Christmas baking you just did? No longer. Now, it’s all yours, and how much spiked eggnog you drink in one sitting is just between you and your couch.
2. You get to browse through holiday Tinder profiles from desperately horny hometown-bound hunks. Even if you’re not looking to be someone’s Tinderella this holiday season, flicking through Tinder (without having to worry that your S.O. might think you’re boyfriend-shopping) can be a good way to kill some time waiting for Aunt Helga to get through her fourth cat story of the night. Christmas means that a lot of young bachelors who aren’t normally in town will be traveling to see family, and may be desperate to escape them within a few hours of arriving. Go on, get some giggles out of their bad, mildly creepy pick-up lines.
3. Shopping for boys is hard. With girls, you know what to get them. Jewelry, a nice scarf, a book she likes, a cute phone case… With a guy, you might have a couple ideas, and then you’re just down to socks and ties. It’s not as fun! Now, the only man you have to worry about is your dad, and you know he’s good with a hardware store gift card. That gives you more time to work on your own wishlist!
4. Shopping with boys is even harder. There are three kinds of male shoppers: the survivalist planner who goes in to get one thing, spends twenty seconds locating that one thing, and gets out as fast as he can manage; the indecisive riddler who has no idea what he wants, and even when he knows what he wants, spends an inordinate amount of time making sure of it and rechecking all of his options several times; the rare and elusive reasonable one who enjoys shopping- but not too much- and takes pleasure in going with you on your errands. I have never dated anyone who fits into the latter, and am starting to think that men like that may be myths. To all girls who have ever gone shopping with men who fit into either of the other two categories, I salute you. Whether you’ve tried to slow him down to show him a pair of slippers his sister would like better, or tried to silently will him into just picking one motherloving toothbrush that is more or less like every other toothbrush he’s been looking at for the past forty-five minutes- you will appreciate how nice it is to not have to relive that scenario again this year.
5. You don’t have to buy or wear any uncomfortable and/or cold (but sexy) Santa/elf/ reindeer/Christmas tree costumes. Yes, your butt looks awesome in that red leather thong, but not constantly feeling like you have a wedgie is so much better. Also in this category: not having to shave your legs (it’s too cold for skirts, and everyone else is doing it), and shamelessly rocking the ugly sweater trend a little more often.
6. There are no awkward family get-togethers with the not-quite-in-laws. Are they really glad to see you at their Christmas Eve party, or are they just happy that you brought their favourite kind of wine?
7. Your Christmas playlist remains uncompromised. Yes, You’re a Mean One Mr. Grinch is on your playlist 17 times. The original version from the 60’s, obviously, because you’re cool and you have standards. You don’t have to apologize for that. And no, his favorite folky version of Go Tell It On The Mountain is not included. Life could not be more perfect.
What do you like best about being single over the holidays?