Dating guys I met on the shallowest app I’ve ever seen may not seem like an accident, but for me, it has sort of happened that way. Like a lot of people, I started using Tinder out of curiosity, and then continued using it just because it was entertaining. It’s a good way to kill some time in line at the grocery store, and get a quick ego boost while I’m at it (even though we all know most guys swipe right on everyone anyway…). While I suppose it’s not impossible to find your soulmate on Tinder, I never took it seriously. I’m not even all that interested in dating right now, much less blind dates which can be awkward or even scary with the wrong person.
Despite that though, I’ve so far managed to get three dates from Tinder without intending to, and I haven’t even gotten a little bit murdered like my mother would assume would happen. This is why my family can’t know I blog- who would I tell all my secrets to then, hmm? My cat is a terrible listener. It all starts with an innoccuous message that’s interesting enough to be worth responding to (most of them aren’t), and then some conversation for a few days that makes me think that we could get on- and then by the time the all-important ask comes around I’m too curious to say no. Some of the dates went well. Others… not so much.
The first time I attempted it was last February. I guess Valentine’s Day was getting to me or something, because it was the first date I’d gone on in years. I was an under-experienced college senior. He was a couple years older, working as an accountant at city hall. We had a mutual acquaintance that was a bit of a wild child who was fun to swap stories about (sorry, Josh). He took me to a cute bar I’d never been into before that served local craft beer. I had one that tasted like cookie dough, which sounds awful but was actually quite nice.
I should have known the date wasn’t going to go well before I even showed up, though. I finished getting ready by putting some hairspray into my playfully-tousled, faked beachy waves. At least, I thought it was hairspray at the time. My bathroom was in the basement, and there were a few big bugs haunting me, so I kept a big black aeresol can of creepy-crawly poison down there. I also kept my big black can of aeresol hairspray on the same shelf for easy access to both. You can see where this is going. I just reached for a can and sprayed, then thought “something doesn’t smell right”… Surprisingly, all my hair didn’t fall out upon contact which I was happy about, but as you can imagine, it didn’t set a great tone for the rest of the night.
All in all, he was a nice guy in person. At least, I think he was. I can’t really remember a thing he said, in retrospect, which proves how attentively I was listening. I think he found me kind of snooze-worthy too.
The next guy, I met in October. He was getting his master’s degree at the university I was interning for at the time. He was fresh in from Vancouver and a self-confessed almost-hipster. He had the plaid shirt, pretty skull tattoos and penchant for green tea that I’d expect (is green tea a hipster thing? I’m gonna say yes). He had amazing hair and we talked about school and not wanting to grow up while walking around in the crisp fall air with our warm beverages. I spilled a bit of my mocha on me thanks to the blusteriness of the day, which I’m sure made me look like I was really suave and cool… I thought we hit it off, but, I could tell in his voice when I said he should text me at the end of the date that his “yeah” meant “nah”. Truth be told though, I don’t know that I could date a guy with better hair than me. The jealousy would break us apart.
The final guy I met up with just last night at the coffee shop around the corner. We swapped stories about working terrible jobs, being broke musicians and wishing we didn’t live in a country with -30 degree weather. I complimented his sweater. He complimented my face. A four-year-old girl kept coming up to our table and telling us about her hot chocolate, which was incredibly adorable. I somehow managed not to embarrass myself too badly this time- though he did hint that there were perhaps too many awkward silences. Apparently my questions about superpowers and the worst movies of all time weren’t riveting enough, but I’m
only kinda not bitter. There was no chemistry, but I may have met a new friend, which is more of what I need in my life right now anyway.
The most awkward bit about that date was listening in on the blind date happening at the table next to us. That poor woman was carrying the entire conversation, and the guy across from her in the hoodie was putting in as much effort as you’d expect from a guy who wears a hoodie on a first date (I might not be so judgey about it if it had been a nice one… or if we were somewhere other than a coffee shop… or if he wore something nice under it like a t-shirt with a button-up thrown over-top; trust me, I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt, but he just wasn’t helping out). I hope that girl didn’t sign on for round two of that.
Overall, my experience has been fairly positive. No soulmates have been found yet, but I felt like it was all good practice in getting to know people and for the most part, I had a good time- or at least managed to get a good story out of it! Do you use Tinder? Have you ever/would you ever go out with someone on it? Let me know in the comments!